Life is never, ever, dull. Sometimes it’s so far from dull as to be overwhelming.
Like now.
If you’ve read recent posts, you know that my brothers are attempting destroy me and “safeguard” my folks’ money, which they seem to believe is already theirs, and which they suspect me of trying to steal. This post is to relieve my need to communicate, but also to DOCUMENT some things.
Because I have no printer, and this is the easiest way for me to put something “out there," accessible to anyone, I’m doing that here. I am in a family situation, if you are not already aware, of extreme duress, and duress for my very elderly parents. I want this to be documented, in case I should need it, sooner, or later, or should anything happen to me. The bold and different fonts below are what need to be seen by authorities should that become a thing… There is one of these just below, and one more further down. If I should die somehow anytime in the near or somewhat-near future, be suspicious. I am as healthy as a horse.
THE EVENT OF THIS MORNING, SATURDAY, APRIL 23, 2022.
My mother called me early, around 7:30 AM, to express her concern that either yesterday, or the day before, very early in the morning perhaps— she said she was half-asleep, before coffee, but not sure of the time— a man, not uniformed (that she remembers), came to her house and was IN it, she didn’t mention how he came to be in it, and I neglected to ask; he gave her a document to sign, and she signed it, but doesn’t know what it was. She was distressed, upset, not just because she couldn’t remember much about the event (memory issues), but also because she signed something and didn’t know, perhaps even at the time of signing, what it actually was she was signing. She has no idea now. She also does not know where her copy of the Notice of Hearing is now; she had it when I left her house on Monday late afternoon.
She assured me, too, that she is very upset and unhappy about what is going on in our family right now: there is a Hearing scheduled for Monday morning at 9 AM (too early for her, really) to look into the matter of whether or not I am (and these are my words, but close to my brothers’) a lying, cheating, conniving person bent on ripping off my brothers’ inheritance, also known as my parents’ money. She asserted strongly that she would tell the Judge not to allow this, that my brothers are wrong, and that she wanted me around, etc. We have come so far, my mother and I, to patch up our differences and try to understand each other. Sigh.
I speak of the “inheritance” that way for a reason, which I outlined in my as yet un-filed Response to this Hearing, and that reason is that they are so off-handed about any sort of care for my parents, which is needed now. But they are vehemently, and absurdly suspicious about how terrible I am, and “my plans” to take over everything and take all the MONEY. It would be funny if it weren’t so intensely and violently hateful.
I was there the morning that this Notice of Hearing was served on my mother, and observed first hand the distress it caused, and to my father as well. She was angry with my younger brother, because he is likely the main instigator. She went right upstairs after the Deputy left, and knocked on his door (twice) to confront him. He did not answer the door. She pushed a note under his door, giving him notice of having one month to move out. The next day she told me he didn’t have to move out.
My mom has been going back and forth for at least a couple of months now, telling me I can move in, to be of help to my folks and relieve me of the issue of housing, and in exchange I will do for them on many levels, everything from physical/emotional care, now and to the end, to keeping the house, dealing with business, shopping, cooking, and everything else, which I am perfectly willing to do even though it’s a bit daunting at times, because that can be VERY demanding, and I know this because I became a professional caregiver, for the past about five years, mostly to learn how to do everything I might need to do. My older brother believes, and told me with a straight face, that my job as a caregiver involved, and I quote: “sitting around in people’s houses.” I actually laughed when he said that. Neither of my brothers have any knowledge of, or any desire, to perform any long-term care-giving duties, by their own words, and by their clear ignorance of what that entails, and it’s my considered opinion that neither are well-suited to do so at any rate.
Both brothers are extremely hostile to me, and have been for years, but now their animosity and the recent vicious attack on me is quite intense, and rather frightening, especially as of the last couple of weeks. They both have access to my parents, one via telephone and one via living in their home. Since I live elsewhere I have no way to know if they have been actively attempting to “poison the well” about me and my evil designs— I wonder. I have had other people tell me about what happens to siblings when the parents’ estate looms in the near future; it appears to be the case with my own siblings. I can’t really think of any other explanation besides absolute insanity on both their parts. And they have both mentioned my stance on both Covid and the Ukraine to attempt to show my “lack of judgment.” Oh, the ironies of life.
My brothers are much bigger and stronger than I am. I have left my parents’ home on several occasions because I felt threatened, both physically and emotionally, and the one brother that lives there does have a gun. I am keenly aware of that fact, and I remember there being an issue about a gun, or guns, when he was divorced by his ex-wife. He is also perhaps suffering from some un-diagnosed mood disorder. I am afraid of both of them, and even though they’ve not physically attacked me, there’s always been a dangerous vibe in the air when we’ve argued (often, of late). Of course, they claim I am also a potential source of violence, and I admit I can shout as angrily as anyone. I’m not proud of that, but… it’s par for the course in my family. They accuse me of threatening my mother this way, so they must be aware of the “vibe.” The plot needs thinning! I just hope this judge will have the right kind of ingredient.
I was served Notice of Hearing on Monday last; while my brothers have clearly been planning this for some time, I had FOUR days to respond in writing. I have failed. I spent Tuesday assembling my thoughts and making a rough draft. Wednesday and Thursday were spent writing, re-writing, and re-re-writing. After all, this hearing could mean that I never see my parents again, at least alive. I worked ALL DAY, for three days, Tuesday through yesterday. I can go very early on Monday morning and file my Response, but there’s no guarantee the judge will want to take the time then and there to read it. If not, I hope to get a postponement of some kind. Or something. I can make a pretty good argument when I need to! And sometimes when I don’t… This dog has her times of barking far too much, or too loudly, but, I am not a Bad Dog. I know this, and I know plenty of people who will back me up. (Maybe some of you! Yes, feel free.) Anyway…
Yesterday I woke very early (I am already sleep-deprived from weeks of stress), and realized I was going to have to re-do the Response, because it was taking well over 25 pages to try and answer to all the accusations, mistaken descriptions of events and issues of my life, and just lies about me, collected and saved up over God knows how long. Suddenly, yesterday morning, I felt strongly that I should only attempt to address the very serious accusations about my character and behavior, and for the rest of it, stick to facts that pertain to my parents’ care, and my brothers’ lack of understanding of the issues and failure to respond to those issues. I wrote it again, and had it down to 13 pages, with a few attachments as well. I don’t have a printer, so I had to go and have it done somewhere.
I was going to call the Courthouse to see whether I could print it out there. I could have copied it, but because I had a flash drive, they couldn’t do it due to possible viruses being passed to their computers. I also thought, without ever really thinking to check, that the Courthouse would be open until 5 pm. It closes at 4:30. So… I really missed the bus, and I can only hope that the Judge will either take the time to read through my Response before we get started, or at least the critical parts of it, or that s/he will grant another Hearing, a bit later, and maybe even in the afternoon…
I am feeling pretty demoralized. I am kicking myself for not getting the dang thing filed yesterday. I have it all printed out, now, except for this addendum. So I can only try to get some sleep, before Monday morning, and pray that the Divine will guide us all for the benefit of what is best for my parents, whom I love very much, regardless of any family dysfunction, regardless of the hurts traded back and forth over the years, regardless of anything. I can’t bear the idea of them being left to my brothers, who don’t have a clue about how quickly money is liquidated and vanishes when there is outside care, or senior facilities involved— they could even run through ALL theirs assets, depending on how long they live, and become homeless! THAT would indeed be a cruel ending.
My brothers don’t appear to be concerned at all about my folks’ day-to-day challenges, which don’t seem to compute in their thinking. They seem to think my mother can continue handling being sole caregiver for my dad, plus: keeping the house up, or hiring someone to come in (she has yet to do that over the past year or more), taking care of all the business, which she has asked ME to handle, taking care of shopping, cooking, laundry, and every other thing, and now… without me. My mother has an inoperable broken back, serious arthritis, and now oncoming cognitive issues. She has been asking for my help for months now, and I’ve given it, and will always give it, unless I am barred from any contact!! But oh, she’ll be FINE. My live-in brother will pick up the slack… Not. He has a “broken back” himself, with chronic pain.
We five are the end of our line, no next generation. We are the Last Gasp of our genes. What a way to resolve anything. Because my parents get the lousiest slice of this poison pie. I cannot let them be treated this way. If I am banished from the Family Domain, I will FIGHT for my folks. They are so vulnerable and almost helpless now, like innocents among the wolves… It’s breaking my heart, all this. I was thinking I could “work off” a loan for my current ‘99 Toyota my folks made to me, when I begin really being their caregiver.
ALSO FOR DOCUMENTATION:
My mom said this morning that she was okay with it coming out of my inheritance, but now I think I will pay it off by having outside work— and I HAVE outside work, and am poised to have MORE. I’m keeping mum on what that is, for now. But I WILL pay them back, because— if we’re going to have food shortages, I will maybe NEED to. Documenting this change of MY PLAN, here, now, as well. I want to be able to work a bit outside taking care of them, which right now is quite feasible. I’ve been struggling a lot lately, but this is not the USUAL thing for me… I’ve always been very independent and self-sustaining, until very recently. I think that being human, I am allowed to run into tough times! I’m going to carry on.
I still have hope, and I feel like this may actually come out okay, or perhaps mostly okay, but right now, I’m so tired and so beat up, I have to put it aside until Monday morning. I just wanted to document things, and heed the need to express my woundedness, and my worry, and my sadness, and to feel like maybe someone “out there” still loves me and thinks that maybe I am NOT a horrible person, that this attack on my character is unfair.
And I want to acknowledge how some of you have already been so lovely and supportive— Thank you, my friends. I’ve never felt this alone, but I also feel the Spirit holding me in that warm, gentle “hand.” And I feel strong in my Heart and Soul, even if I’m a bit worn out physically. And even though this is definitely the lowest point of my life, I have so much compared to so many. I will be strong. I will survive. I will do whatever I can to make sure my folks are as happy as possible. I simply want them to be cared for as they should be, with love, and have it the way they want it, and keep their right to have a say in what happens to them. I do think that will happen. If not, I will find a way to champion them, come what may.
Your best defense is your mother. You can write things as perfect as you want but nothing beats a witness, especially of the person who is being battled over.
I'm not sure how, but document your mother, video perhaps, explaining how she doesn't want this fight to happen.
Are they trying to take the whole will? How do they know what the will says?
It's good to use these things to point out that they are the paranoid and obsessive ones about the inheritance, not you.
And again your mom should voice her feelings and thoughts about this situation in her own words.... Whatever they say, it's hard to prove that someone forced a person to say something unless it's clearly obvious that they are held under threat.
Oh blimey.... you are in a proper pickle, ain'tcha hun?
The paperwork was important but it ran away with your time. These things happen I suppose.
I would say rest well, but I know you won't until after the hearing. If you find out what that document was that your Mum signed it might help....
Just try to be on time at court. Whatever you do, do not miss that deadline.
I am rooting for you keeping your calm throughout this temporary madness.