FIRST OFF: To Freeman Waters: THANK YOU. You’re the second Substack Reader to send me some much-appreciated support for “Creative Endeavors”!! That is good timing, too, I will add, and you’re my Hero of the Week! If you would care for some Creative Writing in return for your kind generosity, let me know, please!
My Post for Today:
This morning, I am still in my cottage, here on the Duck Pond, such a beautiful, wonderful spot, where I can see not just the little waters of the pond in front of my house, but off to the side lies the bigger waters of Puget Sound, with the impressively grand Washington State Ferries going by every now and again, along with other boats and sometimes naval vessels. I like being near water. I lived in this cottage for four years, moved out for a year and went on a Spiritual Quest amidst the initial Covidian Crush, and came back almost exactly a year later, to live here again for what will be a year and a month and however much longer it takes me to leave. Soon I will move into my parents’ house, for the duration of their lives, most likely. I am giving up my solitude, which I cherish, but it’s only temporary, and it’s the right thing to do, and I know it will be good for all of us, at least in some ways— some important ways.
I have a very small nuclear family… five of us, and the three kids, me in the middle of two brothers. One brother is disabled, and lives with my parents already, for over a decade now. The other brother lives in Kansas. Neither are willing nor able to do the care-giving that comes with advanced venerability, and I moved to WA State from the Bay Area in CA in order to do this for my folks— and for myself and my brothers, too, as any other choice would surely mean any inheritance would simply vanish into the Void of the Elder Care Vacuum. I’ve trained for this for five years, and I’m quite competent. That said, it will be a big job, perhaps, and my father is already into cognitive decline.
So… I have perhaps two or three weeks to move over, and squeeze all my cottage possessions into a very small space… I did this once before, for six months, and it was tight even with a storage unit, but I’m very, very good at organizing physical objects into physical space… I call it Funk Shui. There will be space challenges, and there will be emotional and family political challenges, and all that sort of challenge, but I know I’m doing the right thing. At this point, I feel like I’m stepping into my mother’s role— for most of my life, she has been the pivot point of our family, the glue, sometimes the dictator or the harsh task-master, but always the one who is the center of the family wheel, as it were. Now it will be more and more my responsibility. It will not be an easy transition, but I am hoping with a measure of spiritual guidance from The Divine, and concerted effort on my part (and hers), we will find our way. We are The Five; there are no others with a family connection that I am in contact with, or even know who or where they are.
It’s sad to leave my beautiful spot. But events over the past year have made me realize that I cannot have the dream of staying here forever, until I die. I have lived under a bit of a shadow since an event of last summer, and that’s all I will say about it, except that while the place has not changed, the vibe here has, and something has been broken that cannot be mended, and so, I ask of The Divine one of the two of my best and most cherished hopes, and that is that I will find another, similarly beautiful wee spot for myself, when my duties to parents are fulfilled. I so long for a place to call my own home, where I do not have to fear eviction, ever. I am hoping this for everyone, everywhere, which means we must come to some kind of New Beginning… and I long for it to come to pass before I, too, enter the Next Phase.
And so, as the curtain is about to drop on this part of my Current Time, I am trying to soak up as much as I can into my memory, and take some photos, too, and luxuriate in the last bits of solitude I will have for however long… And try to be positive. I do feel positive in many ways now, even with all this insanity of Globalist Psychopaths rampaging around the world... I just know I will be longing, on some level, for the time when I will be again in my own space. I don’t feel too guilty about that, because while I am able, I will be doing something very good for the people closest to me— and I want to do it.
I’m not a saint, folks. Not at all. But I’m trying to do the Right Thing, because if it were me, I would want someone kind to look after me when I’m very venerable— and vulnerable. I hope I die before this is applicable to myself, because I have no children to turn to. But I feel that somehow I will be fine. Because I AM kind, I know this— I’m a Good Dog (and I think we shall get a dog!!! This is a HUGE incentive!!!). And I know I can make these last days, months, years, whatever, good for my folks. It’s just a very simple thing, and I don’t need anyone to slather compliments over me. It’s just a heart-y time within a heart-y time, within the heart and times of my life. I know I’ll have complaints! Maybe you’ll read about them, too! ^_^
This is my current, for a couple more weeks, front yard, and the Duck Pond.
Thank you for your beautiful post Jaan!!! Slather slather slather!!!!! ❤️
Dear Jaan,
You are most welcome!
What a lovely, beautiful spot! Wowzer!