21 Comments

All i can say is that in these trying times it helps to not see it as spiritual and start seeing it as practical. The whole spiritual thing is exactly what disconnected me from life, always trying to do the right thing which will be judged as you have been by your siblings.

But in practicality you see that there's good and bad to every situation.

I find it to be the real religion of nature. No need for lofty goals but life and death.

And it gives me peace to see it that way, while everyone else is going nuts trying to do the right thing at the right time.

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Any plans on the part of one or both of your brothers to be caregivers or at least pay for caregiving? I'm going to be 75 in a few days. I was a night clerk in an old folks home a few years ago. Now I'm in a building special for seniors. I have seen what it's like for people elderly and failing to try to care for spouses failing even worse than they are. My brothers took steps to place my incompetent mother in a very nice home after my dad died (2002); thank God they had the money. I sure didn't. I'm proud to say what savings I have I earned myself after 65 by being that weekend night clerk and factotum in that old folks home I mentioned. I quit in 2014. I still have that few thousand bucks emergency savings. I get lonely, sure. My kids are moving into middle age and they live in another town. They aren't rolling in money but they have good jobs. My remaining brother and all those relatives are far away in Ontario and the politics of these last 5 years ( I joined social media in 2017 because my then still competent sister in law, a real sweetie no kidding, wanted me to connect with the family. O the irony) have set us all far apart. I'm OK and I feel blessed. I hope I won't have a long decline. I don't want to be a burden. If somebody has to take care of me at the end I want them to be payed for it by the government. It's a damn hard job that nobody should do for free.

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Beautiful Jaan ❤️ Gentle warrior

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This was absolutely beautiful, and I hope you continue to take deep satisfaction in the loving of yourself, and the letting go of those who do not (and anyone who is abusive to someone in such a way, clearly does not love themselves in the way they need love). You are a strong and magical person, willing to tease apart all the family bits that make remaining a cohesive group difficult. Do you know the Four Agreements? I think it would really resonate with you if you don't already... hang in there and know that all the LOVE that you are putting out into the Universe will come back to you!

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Beautifully said. That's a hard path you've chosen. Those who are able to take on a caregiver role, to me, are the strongest people in the world. I had a friend who did that for her mother and also had a difficult relationship with her brother who seemed to feel threatened. My nice is now doing that for my sister who is completely incapacitated. She's lucky enough to be an only child, but luckier still are those with loving and supportive siblings. I admire your strength.

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Thank you for writing from the heart, something which I believe feeds us, connects us and frees us.

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“sitting around in people’s houses.” - I nearly spat coffee all over my keyboard!

If I were you I would calmly print out this post and hand it to the court as evidence.

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Beautifully honest and wise!! <3

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Maybe ask your mother for her help, you need a space to live for a little while until you get back on your feet. In exchange you will help with the work around the house. maybe she'll like the idea of starting a garden. Lots and lots more people are going to be in your shoes very soon...

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deletedApr 12, 2022·edited Apr 12, 2022
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